Poem: "Focus Must Change"

I'm not one to open up too much to others. I'll be honest though, I've not had the best of times of late. I don't mean to sound all "woe is me" or anything but I've been pretty depressed... I hadn't really noticed how depressed I've been. I'd been trying to keep myself busy so that I didn't realise it. I've been keeping busy with TV shows and with my new wii and singstar on the ps2. I'd also been keeping busy with my art... which I'm thankful to Ash for the shared enthusiasm. But still... I remain lost... missing something. I've lost my appetite for work, let alone my appetite for food too. I've been sick of late but wonder how much of that is stress-related. I had to express myself somewhere and where better than my blog... I'm not sure what else to say but I am reminded of a poem I wrote a while ago which I'll share below. When I wrote it, I tried to keep the words positive in nature, trying to convince myself of an end to such feelings. How odd that years down the track, I feel the same.

"Focus Must Change" by Isreal Mathew

Have you ever had a secret
You knew you couldn't tell
That you felt was really hard to bare
But you couldn't help but dwell

I've had such issues in my life
And still do to this day
It's hard to keep it to myself
I want to scream out loud today

Why don't I tell I hear you ask
How terrible is your trial?
The world has seen many freaks
What makes you think you're vial?

I think of the rejection
I'd see within your eyes
If you beheld my skeletons
That wound would me, deep inside

I look at other people
And wish I too were normal
But I can't escape my weakness
I can't escape the turmoil

It hunts me when I think
It kills me from inside
Life just turns to crap
And I think I want to die

I'm not afraid of death you see
I know I'd go nowhere
What's so bad with that I think,
Considering how much I bare?

When times get rough, as they do
And I can't see a clear way out
I think I might just end my life
I'd then be free from bout

I've never attempted to follow through
And am sure I never will
Cos I have friends that care for me
Who think I'm worthy still

Likely now, you think I'm troubled
And yes, you may be right
But really, what can I say?
It's a serious mental fight

So, though I have a secret
And it's difficult right now
I'll keep in mind my closest friends
These thoughts will help me out

I'll change and focus on positive things
And be a friend that cares
Be sure to find more joy in life
And be someone who shares

I may need to endure a little bit more
But with God I'm sure I'll say
I will be better tomorrow
Until then, I'll live today

.Mac, Blogger, MySpace, Bebo, Facebook... Can't we all just get along?

So, here I am now signed up to so many of these online communities that I'm thinking I should employ a secretary to keep them all up to date!

Website: http://web.mac.com/isrealmathew
Blogger: http://isrealmathew.blogspot.com

Bebo: http://www.bebo.com/mrtakaaxe
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/isrealmathew
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1257750681

There's a part of the Sunscreen Song that says to keep in touch with old friends and family because the older you get, the more you'll need to hold on to those you once knew... I'm starting to get that sense. Maybe all these communities are making this a reality.

It's still a lot of work in my books. What's brilliant is that Facebook actually imports this blog automagically thus I have a renewed plan to update the old blog accordingly.

No promises though. :-)

I've migrated the Italy blog to my website so that I can customise it a bit more, i.e. add pictures, etc. See: Italia Blog.

In addition, this is where I will also post my pictures from the trip: Italia Pics.

Enjoy! :-)

Oh, and to those who have e-mailed me. I apologise. I'm really slack when it comes to replying to e-mail... Nothing personal, don't read anything into it. I am determined to reply though... :-) Thanks.

Home is where the heart is...

Well everyone... There won't be many posts here for a while now. My trip is over.

Italy was brilliant. I really enjoyed my time there and I can't wait to go back... next time with someone and maybe with a bit of the language under my belt.

I started this adventure quite nervously and not knowing what to expect. I come away from it, a little wiser... All of it was apparently "part of the experience". The world does seems smaller. I think I have a taste for travel and thus I can only conclude that somewhere along the way I must have been gnawed on by a roaving insect.

Among many things, I learnt:
- Tours are a brilliant way to see the sights without the stress.
- Travelling alone can be lonely.
- We take breakfast for granted.
- Luggage isn't guaranteed.
- Foreign people don't look foreign.
- Currency conversion is annoying.
- Phones, toilets, a laundry & the internet can be luxury items.
- Scams can work once even on me.
- Living out of a suitcase can take its toll.
- No bed feels better than your own.
- No amount of negative experiences can deminish the awesome experiences.
- It's great to just relax in a foreign country & not worry about seeing sights.
- The world is a big place.
- Home is definitely where the heart is. And no, that's not Canberra! ;-)

Anyway, life in my home town goes on. I'm back at work again. Back sleeping in my own bed. Trying to settle into a routine after such a brilliant trip is difficult.

But...
My next big trip... Egypt.
Big trip after that... Maybe the south of Italy.
Next small trip... Likely New Zealand. :-)

In regard to this site: I've been considering reviewing the purpose of my blog and thought I could possibly move the Italy posts to my website and keep the blog open for general blogging... Oh, I don't know... Thoughts anyone?

I'll post some of my pictures soon... I have to weed through the 1,918 and pick out my favourites... so give me a little while.

Thanks & good night! :-)
T.

Does Luggage Feel Jet Lag?

Hello to those who are still frequenting this little page of mine!

Well, the good news is that my bag arrived 7pm last night, looking relatively the same as when I had last seen it in Rome a little over 5 days ago. Where had it been for the 75 hours it was missing? It had obviously been opening itself up to other people (it's lock was no longer in the same place), it had obviously been drinking as it still smelled of alcohol (my small bottle of Imperial Drops had leaked a little more... likely due to atmospheric pressure) but it must have been trying to locate me (it had extra tags and notes attached) so that's comforting. Someone was saying that at any one time, there are a million bags in the sky. I guess it makes sense that some would get lost in the heat of the moment and get caught up in a bout of drunken flirtation. As someone else once told me, what happens on holiday, stays on holiday. So I guess I won't pry into my bags affairs. I'm just glad it's here now. :-)

It was mostly overcast yesterday with some showers but it's raining a lot here this morning as I contemplate leaving the warmth of my dunah and entering a 14 degree atmosphere.

Since I hadn't felt jet lag in Rome, I kinda wondered what it was... Going the other way has taught me a little of what it's like. It's really weird. Every day so far, I find myself waking up a couple hours earlier, this morning it was 7am. I was waking up 5 times per night, it's down to 2 now. But the worst part are the heavy waves of sleep that come over me at around 4pm, and again at 7pm and 11pm. I haven't managed to overcome them all but yesterday I pushed through the 4pm one only to find a stronger pull at 7pm and couldn't resist 11pm. I'm worried when I go home how long it'll take to get back in sync...

Well, it's Friday and despite the weather, it'll be another brilliant day in New Zealand.

Take care,
T.

Sydney, Where all Good Luggage goes...

The amazing thing is that I received a call last night to advise that my luggage had turned up... in Sydney! Yay! The odd part was when he said, "so... would you like us to send it to Canberra?" Hmmm... I thought for a moment... You see, I leave for Canberra on Sunday, that's only 3 days away. Therefore it could be worth having it just go ahead of me. But instead, I've tempted fate and asked them to forward it here... Technically this means it will arrive tonight. Here's hoping. :-)

It's pretty cool though. Every day so far, various members of the Morris family have come to the shops and helped me buy clothes. :-) So losing my luggage isn't that bad. And, there's plenty of Billabong stock to choose from over here. Plus, I love shopping, especially for clothes. :-) You see, I have an allowance of $500 after 24 hours of my luggage going missing to purchase things I need. After 72 hours, the allowance doubles to $1000. This, of course, hinges on getting the report from the airline backing up the fact that the luggage went missing. I'm sure that'll be fine.

It's overcast here today but I'm still having fun on my last few days of holidays. Today's agenda may have ice cream involved so that'll be cool. :-)

Take care all,
T.

Luggage is a Luxury

Hi all,

So, I made it to New Zealand safely yesterday afternoon. My luggage on the other hand didn't make it to the flight out of London. I had only just made it to the flight myself... I put this down to dumb luck - Heathrow security lines are ridiculous and their random decision to allow people to push in past the long line was just stupid. This just proves the old adage that it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. I just stayed dutifully in the line. I knew that they'd work it out if I missed my flight so there was no need to worry.

For some reason the flight went through Thailand rather than Singapore so that was odd. And I spent ages looking for a snack only to resign myself to the reality that there was nothing to be found. I just wanted a chocolate bar! While I was waiting there, I bumped into the two girls who were sitting next to me on the initial leg of the flight. One of them looked just like Dave, Ash's friend. She had the same looks and had a similar accent - she was from Cardif, Wales. It was quite freaky. I wouldn't be surprised if they were related in some way. I'm not sure whether I should have told her that she looked and sounded like a guy I knew. Hmmm. Anyway, they were nice and didn't mind. Turned out that she liked Doctor Who and had seen them filming it a number of times, including the recent Christmas episode which was filmed in summer but had the streets covered in snow and Christmas decorations. :-)

Anyway, when I got to Sydney, I was directed through Customs by mistake and thus I found out early that my luggage had been lost. After being given the the literal run-around I was able to sort the missing luggage out and organise it to follow me later. Although they did say that it was possible that it had caught up with me - yeah right! It should be delivered here tonight, around 6pm... my luggage will be taking the identical flight I took, only a day late, so that'll be nice for it. :-)

Since I knew in advance, and given the warning by Kerrie that NZ was cold, I stopped at a surf shop and purchased another shirt and two jumpers. Both Billabong, which is brilliant. The shop assistant was really nice and explained to me her theory as to why Billabong always fits correctly for me, as opposed to the other brands... she said it was to do with the shape of their clothes and that they make it for real men - well there you go, I'm a 'real' man! :-)

What's cool is that I was given an "overnight bag" from Qantas. It has PJ's (admittedly not appropriate for cold weather, but still cool) and a razor and shaving cream, shampoo and conditioner, baby toothpaste and a toothbrush, a deodorant roll-on (although I don't like roll-on's - it feels like someone has licked your underarms) and a comb! It's pretty good considering. Oh, and it had a small note from Qantas apologising for the inconvenience. How nice is that!

Getting out of the airport was good. I was one of the last to leave 'cos I had to explain the whole luggage thing again giving a third full description of my bag and explaining why I'd ticked most every box indicating I was carrying prohibited substances. It's funny, souvenir's made of wood and me having chocolate seemed to mean I ticked everything. Anyway, it felt great to look around and find Kerrie and her dad Mike waiting for me. I think I was talking too much on the way back... I was thinking it at the time but I just kept talking - I guess this is understandable considering how long I'd been away.

Let me just say that New Zealand is brilliant! It's a bit nippy here this morning with a frost and similar temperatures to Canberra. The Morris family have been brilliant, welcoming me into their home. Last night, I had my first real meal with vegetables and baked potato's (my favourite) and this morning I've enjoyed Cocopops and Vegemite on toast - my goodness, that was great! How I've missed Vegemite! :-) I'm really going to enjoy my time in New Zealand. It's good to be among friends again.

To all my readers, take care!
T.

P.S. I realise that you haven't heard about my time in Rome with Joe yet, or San Gimignano for that matter, but I'll update you all with some detail soon. Unfortunately, I can't post pictures yet 'cos my iPod containing my photos is formatted for a Mac and thus are stuck in there until I get home.